Prince of PolPol
by Innortal
Summary: Keitaro had always wondered how his life would end. Would you believe it would end with him as a Prince. Welcome to the Ronin's Hell, as he discovers he is now heir to the throne of a kingdom that was at war with MolMol
1. Here Comes the Brides

**Love Hina**

**Chapter 1**

**Here Comes the Brides**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

* * *

Keitaro was having one of those days.

Not one of those days as in "Su has a new mecha-tama and she wants to see if the particle beam can hurt you" days.

No, this was one of those days where it was four in the afternoon, everyone had been home all day without much of anything to do, and he had yet to be punched, kicked, attacked, blown-up, or any thing in general to cause him pain.

Yes, today was likely the day Keitaro Urashima would die.

A knock on the door pulled him from those thoughts. He made no move towards it; he simply sat on the couch. If he remained motionless until dinner, nothing could harm him.

"I'll get it, Onii-chan."

As he listened, he knew the Angel of Death had arrived...

"Is there a Keitaro Urashima here?"

...and apparently brought his friend.

"Please say he is here! Please!"

"Shut up, Loo Cout!"

Keitaro just placed his head in his palms, starting to cry, as he felt Tama-chan and Kuro patting him on the shoulders. Yes, it appeared that today, the ronin manager was doomed to see hell.

* * *

The group had gathered in the living room, the two strangers standing before them. In front of them was Keitaro—currently sitting straight, hands in his lap, and wondering where the final blow would come from, Shinobu, Kitsune, Mutsumi, Naru, Motoko, Kaolla, Sara, Haruka, and Kanako.

The man who seemed to be in charge began as soon as everyone was sitting. "Okay, first let me introduce myself. I am Faul Gai, and this is my assistant, Loo Cout."

"Hello," the assistant waved.

"Now, first, Mr. Urashima, did you have an ancestor named Shoa?"

Keitaro slowly turned to Haruka, not dare uttering her name. If he did, he would end up saying Aunt first, and receive the death blow by a fan.

Haruka began to consider. "Yes. Shoa Urashima was Hina's grandmother."

Su was twitching. Those names sounded familiar. "Um, are you guys from PolPol?"

The men nodded, and the leader began speaking again. "Yes. You see, our King has come down with a terminal disease. We believe that within ten years, he will die."

Everyone seemed to sadden a bit. Mutsumi asked the question. "Ara, what is it?"

Loo answered. "Young new wife."

The dorm shook at the strength of the facefault.

Except for Keitaro, he stayed ridged. He knew if he facefaulted as well, he would end up under someone's dress. No, Death would have to work for him today.

The fact that all the girls were wearing pants was not lost on him. One of them would miraculously change into a dress as soon as his head hit the floor.

Faul continued. "Yes, King Bea Loa Me married last week, but since he is sterile, then we needed to find a new heir."

Naru asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer. "And what does this have to do with Keitaro?"

"Well, the Crown of PolPol can only be passed to male heirs. This is a major problem, since almost all children sired by the royal line tend to be female. And considering the King is currently shooting blanks, we had to go back to find an heir. The only line left is that of Princess Shoa Me. She left the country during a rough time in the Su-Me war."

"Su-Me?" asked Sara, before she turned to her friend.

Su answered, going into teacher mode. "Seven hundred years ago, the kings of the two island kingdoms; King Su and King Me, played a game of checkers. Today, we know both were horrible cheats. When the game ended in a draw, they each accused the other of cheating."

Faul Gai nodded. "Yes. And rather than admit it, they cut diplomatic ties and began a sort of cold war. During the time Shoa Me left, the two islands exchanged fire for days. MolMol would attack with banana peels, and we would return fire with apple cores."

Sara shook her head. "That has to be the stupidest war I've ever heard of."

Loo Cout shook his head. "We lost many good apple seeds that year." As he began to cry, Faul patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Excuse me," interrupted Motoko, "but doesn't King Bea Loa Me have any sons with his original wife?"

Faul shook his head. "Nope. All seven of his wives never had one son. They had fifty-eight daughters, though."

"WHAT?" screamed out Naru. "He buried seven wives?"

"No dear, he was married at the time to seven women." Seeing the disbelief, he continued. "As I informed you, the PolPol royal line; as does much of the population of our nation in general, sires females quite easily. This occurs 99.99 percent of the time, so they are allowed multiple brides, as long as the women consent. Former King Bea Tis Me had the record for seventeen wives. It wasn't until forty years later that he had his first son. The fact that Keitaro is both an only child and male makes him a miracle."

"But why can't women rule?" asked Shinobu.

Faul looked nervous. "Well, the women sort of run everything else. They control the military, economy, and the politics. PolPol's tend to generate a gender ratio of seventy-nine women per male on the island. If we gave up the royal house, then the males would be caged and studied, with their only use being procreation."

"A likely story," said Motoko, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Actually," said Su, "they have about three attempts at that sort of revolution every year, minimal."

The others stared at her, as Keitaro began to silently cry. _I don't wanna be put in a cage!_

"Anyway," started Faul again, "we came to inform Mr. Keitaro Urashima that he was in line for the throne, train him to be the future king, and begin the filing processes for his name change and those of his wives."

"WHAT?"

Death smiled. He had located the ronin. Sure, he couldn't kill him. But he could play with him.

After all, Death needed to unwind just like any other hard working spirit.

Faul and Loo began to try and pop their ears. "Yes. By this time tomorrow, he will be Keitaro Me."

"That's not it!" screamed Naru. "What is this about his wives?"

Faul opened his book that he pulled from his sleeve. "Well, as standard by PolPol society rules, any female not of the blood of kin by three generations, that has lived with him for longer than a year, is considered engaged to him. As such after that year, they may decide to make it official by the female giving him the Kiss of Marriage, and follow it by the sharing of an apple. At such a time, they are considered married in the eyes of the PolPol legal system. Divorce is only granted with the full and unanimous agreement of all his wives, followed by the removal of the man's penis by sharpened sword."

Keitaro paled, now knowing how he would die. If anything else, he now knew what would happen next week. He could already see Su making a mecha-tama just for the divorce.

The girls just blinked.

"So, sugar," said Kitsune, "what are the perks for the future queens?"

Loo opened his book. "As heir to the thrown, Keitaro will receive a stipend of 1, 285 songas; our local currency. Each wife will receive a stipend of 1,062 songas. These amounts double upon the ascension to the throne."

"And what is a songa in yen?" Kitsune was wondering if it would be worth it.

Su pulled out a calculator. "They are about worth as much as MolMol currency. In yen, Keitaro will currently receive ¥ 112,089,426 a month and each wife will receive ¥ 92,637,331."

Faul smiled. "We've done very well on the local stock exchanges."

Kitsune blinked. _I'm...I'm rich!_

Sara blinked. _The dork is loaded!_

Motoko blinked. _If I marry Keitaro, not only will the school be secured financially, but we will have plenty of strong daughters to take over._

Shinobu raised her hand. "Um...do you have an apple?"

"SHINOBU!"

She stood up. "Hey, I have a chance to marry Sempai without keeping him from either of his promised girls, and I'm taking it!"

So surprised from Shinobu's outburst, no one moved when Faul Gai handed her an apple, she locked lips with Keitaro—who was also too stunned at all the news to fully grasp what was happening to him, and proceeded to bite into the apple, before holding if before Keitaro. "Sempai, eat."

He did.

Loo clapped his hands. "Congratulations, Princess Shinobu Maehara-Me."

"Me next!" screamed Kanako.

Five minutes later, Keitaro was beginning to come to, wondering why he tasted apples.

Naru looked around, a new apple in her hand, and she soon realized, the only one without a bite in it, or with a whole apple. "SARA!"

"Hey, the dork is loaded, is going to live where a bunch of excitement is, and will end up a hell of a lot better than what I'll find in the local junior highs."

Faul Gai and Loo Cout were having another discussion. "Princess Su married him, Loo. Do you know what this means?"

"I think so, Faul. But where am I going to find a can opener and a helium balloon at this time of day?"

"No, you idiot. With Princess Su now married to Prince Me, the Su-Me war is finally over!"

"Cool. Maybe you can celebrate with the Duchess Haruka Me. She has a gun pointed at you."

Faul turned towards Haruka. "Wow, how did she know the courtship ritual?"

Haruka stood before them. "Nope, just wanting to know how much I get. The wrong answer gets you divorced."

Faul gulped. "Um, given the unique circumstances, I believe it would be customary to give you as much as Prince Me gets."

Haruka put away the gun. "Correct answer."

Kitsune, pausing from what she would do with her first stipend, noticed Naru had yet to offer Keitaro her apple. Seeing as how her best friend was once again letting her insecurities get to her and maybe cost the man she loved, Kitsune motioned for Mutsumi and Motoko. After pointing to Naru, they nodded and went into action.

Mutsumi hit Naru in the back of the head with a watermelon she had hidden somewhere. This caused Naru to pitch forward and lock lips with Keitaro, surprising them both. As Naru shoved him back and herself as well and knocking them both off the couch, the apple she had been holding was tossed into the air, where Motoko cut it. As soon as Naru and Keitaro had finished falling to the ground, the cut pieces of the apple landed in their mouths, forcing each to swallow.

Kitsune turned towards the royal attendants. "Well?"

Faul smiled. "Congratulation on your wedding, Princess Naru Narusegawa-Me."

"WHAT?" screamed Naru, still not certain what had just happened.

"Ara, isn't this nice, Na-chan. We're co-wives now to Kei-kun."

"Co-wives?" asked Keitaro, as Faul began to fill him in on the five minutes of marriages he had just partaken in, before the ronin-Prince passed out.

And thus, Prince Keitaro Me was married to Princess Kaolla Su-Me, Princess Sara McDougal-Me, Princess Shinobu Maehara-Me, Princess Mitsune Konno-Me, Princess Mutsumi Otohime-Me, Princess Motoko Aoyama-Me, Princess Kanako Urashima-Me, and Princess Naru Narusegawa-Me.

Now, they had their most difficult trial ahead of them.

They had to tell their families.

* * *

**Author Notes**: This idea has been in my head for almost a year, and I finally found the inspiration to write it out. I'm not certain when I can update it again, as I want to update seven other stories first.

As for those wanting me to update the others first and stick with them... Hey, can I help it if I have a league of writers in my head, and the drama department quit?

Let's see how well you do when you have this many ideas coming out at once, and every new day generating two more.


	2. Look Who I Married Today

**Love Hina**

**Chapter 2**

**Look Who I Married Today**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

* * *

Shinobu looked at the large television screen before her. Su had sent out video mecha-tamas to every parent or guardian of the new Princesses, so that they could inform them in sight about their new...matrimony.

Of course, her parents were taking it as well as could be expected.

"This is all your fault! I know she didn't get this from my family!" screamed her Mother from her window.

"How is my daughter deciding to enter into a polygamous royal marriage my fault?"

Shinobu was still smiling, however, not really paying attention to them. _Sempai and me... Me and Sempai... Sempai and I kissing..._ Her mind was drifting to images of her cooking, when her husband came up behind her, kissing her neck, like they did in those movies she watched that Kitsune always passed out in front of.

And while she didn't have any strange bass music to go with it, she did let her mind wonder. "Sempai, but I cook there, that isn't sanitary! Tee-hee!"

"Look at her. Where did she learn to be a pervert like that!"

Her Father sighed. "I'm bringing my gun, that's all there is to it. I'll kill the little bastard for ruining her purity!"

"Sempai, what are you doing with that chocolate cream?"

The parents could only pale and watch as their daughter dissolved into a fit of giggles as she went into her own little fantasy.

* * *

"WHAT?" cried her parents.

Kitsune just smiled. "Yeppers. I got married to a real life Prince just this morning."

Now while not widely known, Kitsune's parents: Mr. and Mrs. Konno, were well known members of the Diet. And while they were often unhappy that their daughter had remained out of politics or not furthered herself in college, they weren't yet ready to admit to being happy at this. "And who, pray tell, is this Prince who has wed my daughter?" asked her Father.

Kitsune smiled. "Why, the manager of the dorms, of course." She loved doing that to her folks, making it sound like they themselves were the stupid ones for not knowing what was so obvious.

"Since when has this guy been a Prince?" asked her Mother. The woman had done extensive background checks on the manager when he had taken over. In fact, she had already designed a plan to get him together with her daughter. He seemed like a stabilizing influence.

"Since this morning. Apparently, the grandmother of his grandmother was a Princess for PolPol, and left to come here. And when the current King kicks the bucket, he is the only male heir who can take over. They threw out his Father for some reason." Kitsune tipped back her saucer of saké. "So, I did pretty well for myself, huh, Mom?"

Mr. Konno was looking up something on the computer. "Dear, they have about eighty percent of the Gross National Product of Japan."

Her Mother blinked. "How the hell does an island nation pull that off?"

Kitsune smiled. "Incredibly low overhead and great tourist trade!" She loved messing with her parents. "Well, I gotta go. You know how hard it is to keep a husband in line when he has so many other wives. Don't forget to come to the reception tomorrow! Later!"

As the screen went dark, Kitsune released the laugh she had been holding for the entire conversation. "Kami-sama, that was so worth it! Now, I need to find a royal servant to get me that bottle of sake from Saska's. I can't wait to see her face when I tell her I can afford it now!"

* * *

"So, that's what happened, and now Onii-chan and I are finally together! Isn't this great! I finally get my dream, and Onii-chan can now express how he truly feels for me!"

Mr. and Mrs. Urashima simply stared into the camera for the video feed.

Kanako was just too happy to care about their inaction to her marriage, still enjoying the fact that she had married Keitaro. "I mean, sure, I have to share him with the other girls, but I...I was willing to make some small sacrifices for our love."

Still nothing, but a slight twitch was developing.

"Well, I got to go. I still need to decide what I'm wearing for our honeymoon tonight. I was lucky to call dibs quickly enough. Well, see you guys tomorrow at the reception."

And the feed was cut off.

Mr. Urashima turned towards his wife. "He gets this from your side of the family. I know I don't have any polygamists in my family."

"Idiot!" screamed Mrs. Urashima. "They **are** in your family, remember!"

And thus, a new fight broke out in the Urashima bakery.

* * *

"Oh, Mother, it's so wonderful. I got married to Kei-kun today and now me and the rest of my friends are Princesses of PolPol."

Natsumi Otohime smiled. "Oh my, that is truly wonderful, Mutsumi. You're a real Princess now!"

"I know!" exclaimed the watermelon turtle princess.

"Yeah!" exclaimed the siblings. "Big sister is a Princess!"

Natsumi smiled. "Oh, I should send you some watermelons for the reception!"

Mutsumi smiled. "Well, you could come as well. It is tomorrow."

"Yeah, we're going to see Big Sister again!"

Natsumi looked towards her daughter. "So, are you expecting children already?"

Mutsumi blinked. "Oh, I would think so," she replied, not getting the meaning that her mother was asking if she was pregnant. She just didn't know if the other families were bringing other children.

"Oh, that was quick. I'll have to bring your old baby clothes." Natsumi was now under the impression that her daughter had married Keitaro because they were expecting.

Well, Otohimes do breed like rabbits.

"That would help, Mother."

* * *

Mei was the only one at home at the time Naru finally decided to inform her parents.

"Married?"

And as things went, the little step-sister of Naru Narusegawa was taking things quite well.

"To a Prince and several other women."

After all, he big sister had fulfilled on dream to get into Tokyo U.

"And the manager of the dorm is scheduled to be the next King of his country."

And she had married her first love who had inspired her desire to attend that school...sort of.

"And...and..."

Of course, this did little to settle the nerves of said little sister.

Naru blinked at her paling sister. "Um, maybe I should call back when Dad and Mom return."

"That...good idea...need...sleep."

"Okay, then," Naru said, feeling like she had broken her little sister's fragile hold on reality. "I'll call later tonight. If not, have them come tomorrow for the reception."

As the screen went out, Mei went to her bedroom, throwing out a box her friends had left. "Won't hurt you, my ass. No more Pixie Stix for me."

Naru was letting out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. "Well, that went well."

* * *

"Sister, how nice of you to call. Why, I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me...again."

Motoko gulped as she looked at the vision of her sister on the screen. "Aneue...I've been meaning to call more."

Tsuruko delivered a glare towards her younger sister, causing the younger Aoyama to back up slightly. "Then why is it I haven't heard from you since you almost had to marry Manager-san?" Her vision cleared into a happy gaze. "Have you two been naughty all this time? Oh, sister, I didn't know you had such naughty impulses!"

Motoko sputtered. "NO! We haven't been doing... Well, I... We..."

Tsuruko laughed. "I'm certain you'll get Manager-san eventually. Now, what did you need to discuss with me?"

"Um...I...well...we...you see..."

Tsuruko shook her head. "Perhaps I need to come for another visit. If you're ill to the point where you can't talk—"

Motoko had by this time taken a deep breath and began to blurt out what she wanted to say. "IgotmarriedtoKeitaroandamnowaPrincessforPolPol!"

Tsuruko blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I said that I got married to Keitaro and am now a Princess for PolPol."

Tsuruko paled. "You mean you married Manager-san, and somehow another guy to become Princess for a foreign kingdom?"

"No-no-no-no! It turns out Keitaro is a Prince for PolPol and next in line for the throne, so we just got married. Aren't you happy Aneue? Aneue?"

Motoko looked on speechless. "I think I finally broke Aneue."

* * *

"This is unacceptable!" cried King Su, looking at his daughter.

"But, Daddy, I—"

"No, Kaolla. This will not do!"

Kaolla looked as disappointed as she could be, a tear nearly formed in her eye.

"Once again, you're using wiring from Tenco Electronics. I've told you time and again to go with fiber optics!" He was holding up a dissected video communications mecha-tama.

"Sorry, Daddy."

Taking a deep breath, he sighed. "That's okay. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Her smile returned. "Oh, I got married to Keitaro!"

"Really," her Father said, surprised. "How did that happen?"

"Well, apparently Keitaro's a PolPol prince and we just did the marriage ceremony."

King Su's face paled. "You...married...our greatest enemy."

"Yep, and he's a keeper! Amalla will be so jealous!"

He tried to steel himself. "Daughter, what have I told you?"

"Um, never pee into the wind?"

"Not that."

"Um, the Mommies are okay with you wearing their underwear?"

"NO!" he cried, but soon fell quiet as a shoe hit him in the head.

"So, it's been you stretching out my panties!" Said woman then tackled the King of MolMol, following it up with a long beating. "We'll have to chat later, dear. Your Father needs to learn not to ruin my underwear."

"Okay, Mommy," said Kaolla, waving her hand. "Bye-Bye!"

As the screen went blank, Kaolla's smile faded. "Sorry, Daddy. But I love Keitaro more than I love this stupid war. We'll be happy; with or without your blessing."

* * *

"So, let me get this straight," Seta said, his face a mask of indifference. "Mr. Part Timer is really a Prince of PolPol, is scheduled to take over the throne when King Me dies, and you are one of the girls who married him just this morning. Is that right?"

Sara nodded. "Yep. The dork is royalty, and I got myself a good husband before even leaving Junior High. I did good for myself, huh?"

Seta took off his glasses, sighing, and began to cry loudly. "WAH! MY DAUGHTER'S GROWN UP SO FAST!"

He turned towards the camera. "So, how long before you make me a grandpa?"

"HUH?" screamed Sara.

"Well, you'll have to start early if you want to have the first son who'll take over the crown. I mean, most PolPol wives never even have a son."

Sara blinked. _Sex...with the dork..._

"And, eventually, you'll want to schedule time with him. After all, they'll be so many other women vying for his attention."

Her eye twitched.

"Then of course, there are the rules and punishment against infidelity of the wives. I mean, being shot out of a cannon into the ocean during a hurricane isn't really a great way to go."

She felt the twitch worsening.

"Plus of course, PolPol births tend to be long. Why, I heard the average birth takes sixty eight hours of labor."

Sara crossed her legs...tightly.

"But then again, you'll be a Princess. So, I'll have to come and see you for the next few days. Oh, we'll have to pick some baby names. Well, I better get on the road so I can be there by tomorrow. Later, and don't feel bad if you start before I arrive. I'll just stop by the store and grab a pregnancy test kit. Later."

As the screen went blank, Sara just sat there, frozen stiff. Weren't Fathers supposed to hate the guy their daughters married, not encourage them to start having sex? "I'm too young for four days of labor! The dork better not touch me!"

Seta was smirking. _That outta teach her not to get married without me._

* * *

Meanwhile, in an underground garage in PolPol, a meeting was taking place.

This group was called N.A.G.S.: the National Association of Goddesses Society—though most males who had been...privileged...to deal with them called them the National Organization of Gold-digging Sluts, as they were secretly trying to rule all of PolPol and place all men in cages for study.

Yes, the name often earned the caged males a few thousand volts from a rectal probe.

"We have learned that a new heir has been found," said Tai Cout, the sister of Loo Cout.

The women murmured.

"So, we have one last male to...take care of," said Hoo Ker, the leader of this paramilitary organization dedicated to the capture and study of all PolPol males. "Do we know when he will be coming? Despite our best efforts, we have not been able to establish a cell in Japan."

The girls nodded, their best victory for the modern world had been a spies placed as wives to USA presidents.

Lu She spoke up. "I believe they will bring him here for training. At which point, we will have a chance to capture him, or at least slip in a woman as a wife for the inside."

"That may be difficult," said Tai Cout. "My sources have said he has already been married to several women; one of which is a daughter of King Su: Kaolla."

The meeting erupted in a roar of questions. It was one thing to try and take over the island. But if the new Prince had somehow forged ties with their enemy...

"So," said Hoo Ker, "he has already proved himself a devious enemy. We will need to approach this with caution. I want as much information as you all can dig up on his wives. We need to know if any may be brought over to our side." Seeing the other girls nod, she continued. "Contact our operatives in the United States. I want assurances from Hillary, Laura, and Barbra that they will support us if we need assistance to pull off our coup."

Tai laughed. "All they need to do is convince W. that Prince Me will support WMDs. The military will clean him out, and we'll have complete control."

* * *

Keitaro shivered in his hiding spot behind his bathing barrel. He didn't know why this was happening, but clutching his rolled up test booklet, he steadied himself.

"Onii-chan, where are you? I want to show you some things I want to wear for our honeymoon tonight."

The enemy was near, and it was armed to take him down. _Why me?_


	3. The Great Prince Chase

**Love Hina**

**Chapter 3**

**The Great Prince Chase**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

* * *

Sara sat on her bed, fidgeting with her hands, the talk with her Papa still running through her mind.

True, they were married, but she was far from ready form...consummating...their relationship. In truth, she had jumped into it simply because of a few things.

One was that despite the fact he was a dork, she knew Keitaro would be a great husband.

The second was because...well...he was a freaking Prince!

Okay, she'd admit that maybe the dork had wormed his way into her heart, as he had done with every other woman in the dorms. She'd admit she had a crush on him...a little crush...not even a crush, really, just a passing thing...

Okay, so she thought he had a great ass. No need to beat it out of her.

Sara shook her head, deciding that Kitsune must have spiked the orange juice again, since she was talking to herself.

"Man...I ain't ready for...that!" she exclaimed, before throwing herself back onto the bed. _Well, it's not like the dork would just bust his way into my room and have his way with me._

That was a comforting thought, until said dork—out of breath and now missing his shirt due to the close call with Kanako in the laundry room—busted into her room, slammed the door shut, and dived under her bed.

* * *

Keitaro had been out of breath and equally out of options when he threw open Sara's door, praying that she was neither indecent nor on the hunt as his sister was.

He wouldn't put it past Sara, even if she was so young. After all, he never would have thought his mentor's child would want to be married to him, and now she was...the fourth if he remembered correctly. Truthfully, he would have never considered any of the girls the type to marry him, let alone as a group.

So, as he entered her room, he looked at her, quickly trying to decide what his course would be, knowing that his...excited sister...would be behind him soon to claim him to perform his husbandly duties. "I wasn't here, and I'll buy you anything you want within reason!" he exclaimed, before diving under her bed.

"Is Onii-chan in here?" asked Kanako; as she threw open the door again.

Sara, being slightly frightened at what Keitaro would do if she failed his request—forgetting that octopi had more backbone than the crowned prince of PolPol, shook her head no, causing the girl to shake her head and head off in search of her elusive partner for the honeymoon she had been dreaming of.

After a minute, Keitaro crawled out from under her bed, thanked her, and disappeared into a hidden tunnel in her room to lose himself in the maze under Hinatasou.

Sara let out a breath she had been holding, allowing her heartbeat to come back down, and re-oxygenate her blood from the near scare.

But, sadly, Fate was not done. As anyone who has been exposed to the girls of Hinatasou knows, they can traverse the spectrum of emotions from one end to the other in under 0.005 seconds.

_Wait...why didn't he try and sleep with me?_

_Am I not good enough for him?_

Her face hardened, as her hands released her sheets and formed hard fists. _That's it, isn't it! That dork doesn't think I'm good enough for him!_

She ran to her closet, opening it to retrieve her fabled sun disk, before taking off after Keitaro in the tunnels. No, she was no longer afraid that Keitaro would want sex.

She was pissed that he didn't.

Well...it is a wife's prerogative.

* * *

While members of Hinatasou were on yet another "Great Keitaro Hunt", the royal court of PolPol was executing plans at a frightening pace.

A wall was quickly erected around the Hinatasou lands, complete with security cameras and patrols of armed males with miniature shitzus to attack if necessary. Many a spy or assassin had learned not to cross these dogs, trained from birth to be able to not only kill the intruder, but feed off him in a pack mentality to not even leave a corpse behind. A special section had been made so that Haruka could continue to run her tea shop—not that she had decided she would. After all, as a Duchess, she might have other things to do: like plan the invasion of a Third World country...a First World country...or even a local competitor's establishment, and secure that damned Starbuck's that had been stealing her business all year long, for the glory of PolPol.

On the grounds, several new items had been installed and built. One unused area of the land had been converted into a security/diplomatic building, which ran the security operations, as well as helped fortify the declaration that the land was now the official embassy of the PolPol government to Japan.

Of course, they had yet to tell Japan this—much like the MolMol government had done when Kaolla Su had moved in to Hinatasou. But...they'd get to that...eventually.

A heli-pad, a residential section for the guards and staff, and finally a flag pole with the PolPol flag on it were set up.

Though how this all was managed to be built and the staff moved in during the few hours since Prince Keitaro Me agreed to his royal duties—not that anyone had bothered to ask him, but if he wasn't a PolPol, then the Japanese Government might not look too kindly on his polygamous marriage—was beyond the understanding of normal people.

Luckily, the PolPol Intelligence Community knew of many areas of Japan that had excellent and quick working contractors. After all, Japan had the highest density of strange and violent explosions, which opened the way for such contractors.

As for the staff... Well, most males wanted jobs where the likelihood of waking up in a cage was not a strong possibility. As such, if you did, you could rest assured that your broken corpse would be properly buried by the end of the week.

As Faul Gai and Loo Cout stood before the now fluttering flag of their nation, they began to openly weep. Finally, Faul Gai was able to compose himself, and summoned the staff before him. Faul raised his hand. "Now, as is tradition, to start the ceremony, release the Dobermans!"

The door opened, revealing a group who had seen better days. "You mean we can go home now?" asked Frans Doberman.

Loo Cout smiled. It wasn't often they could have this ceremony. After all, it required a visiting Doberman who could easily be suspected of doing something illegal.

Then of course, you had to train them, so that the shitzus would not have an easy kill.

Sadly, they could only do this a few times, before the UN would begin asking weird questions; like "Where are they?" and "What do you mean they disappeared?" and finally "What happened to our men?"

Ah, the glory of traditions.

* * *

Keitaro, meanwhile, was still running for his life, his sanity, and the slim hopes of preserving his virginity for a few precious more hours.

Currently, we have...

Sara, who is currently chasing her husband to beat him for not wanting to take advantage of her, despite the fact that she both doesn't wants him to and is afraid he will.

Kanako, who had once again picked up her adopted brother's scent, and was once again determined to have her Honeymoon.

Shinobu, who was latched onto Keitaro and nibbling his ear, thrilled that he had popped up in the hot springs while she was soaking. This of course happened because he had been trying to avoid head injury when Sara had both cut off a closer escape route and tried to decapitate him.

Mutsumi, who had waved hi to him from a balcony, passed out, and was caught by him, and was currently snuggling into his chest.

Su, who had witnessed the chase, thought it was fun, and joined in. Though no one—except Keitaro—missed the fact that she was currently wearing an old school uniform that she had grown out of two years earlier.

Motoko was in her room, preparing for the ceremonies that would occur tomorrow when her clan came to evaluate her new husband. Normally, she would be teaching Keitaro as well, but given his current...activities...it would be safer for the equipment of the ceremonies that he be kept away from them. She would educate him on it later.

Naru was in her room, slightly drunk. Normally, she would be upset with Keitaro and assume he was being perverted. Of course, now that they were married, the activities that he should be enjoying were being...postponed by him. Of course, this led Naru to drunkenly believe that maybe he was either cheating on them—which she couldn't accept, as that would mean he would be in danger of losing the "Little Prince", he was gay—which was not possible because while single, he was always groping them, or he was trying to get yet another wife. _Nyamo? Maybe. She does look like Shinobu._

_Wait, there's that bitch in class! She's always passing him notes and such._

She had already forgotten that the woman had to do that as it was how all tests were passed out in class.

Kitsune was currently in the living room, watching as the Virginity 500 made their laps around Hinatasou. Sometimes, she would stand in the path and flash some flesh to get Keitaro to choose a new route, or stun him long enough for the other girls to catch up, laughing all the time. She was not about to sleep with him; she wanted to be able to look in her parents' eyes and tell them they had not slept together, just for the look on their faces that she hadn't won him by bedding him.

Afterwards though, he was hers as soon as the last guest left. A man that could run around that long with one girl on his back and another one in his arms was sure to have some stamina in the bedroom.

Tama and Kuro just shook their heads, wondering if the Kind One would survive all of this, and exactly where were Mutsumi's hands?

* * *

The future King of PolPol woke up inside the hot springs, the warm waters having long sense removed the tired ache of his muscles incurred after his long run for freedom.

Yesterday had not ended well for him. From Kanako grabbing him and nearly having her way with him—something she informed him that if he made her work for it like that again, she would do something to him that made the PolPol divorce look like a mild slap on the wrist—to Shinobu whispering...those things...into his ears that nearly made him shoot all his blood out his nose—with no idea how she knew about such things, he was sore and exhausted.

And he was not even going to think of what Mutsumi had been doing while she was---passed out. _Innocent acts, my ass. She knew damn well what she was doing and what she was doing it to._

Opening his eyes, he scanned for any of...them. Normally, he knew any guy would be happy with what he had, despite his youngest...wife...trying to kill him for not trying to nail her, despite the fact she didn't want him to. _Women, I'll never understand them._

Thankfully, all that was there besides him was a sleeping turtle.

Sighing at the small bit of good luck he had had in the last few days, he left the water to scrub his body once again; still feeling somewhat dirty at what Shinobu had been whispering into his ear.

_Where did she learn all of that?_

* * *

Shinobu smiled as she once again hung up the phone.

Turning back to the computer Su gave her last month, Shinobu began to search the things that the call-in show on the radio had suggested she do to "jump-start" her floundering sex life.

Too bad the host didn't know that the reason it was floundering was because she hadn't had one...yet.

* * *

He shook his head, and tried to ignore the huge shiver he had just felt, before once again emerging himself into the hot springs.

He had other things to fear today.

Today, he meets the in-laws...all of them.

* * *

Omake by Shinjithegoodsharer:

Sighing at the small bit of good luck he had had in the last few days, he left the water to scrub his body once again; still feeling somewhat dirty at what Shinobu had been whispering into his ear.

Where did she learn all of that?

Meanwhile, Shinobu sat in her room watching the Shitzus in the perimeter doing it and howling loudly. "That's the first thing I want to do with Sempai!"


	4. D In Laws Day

**Love Hina**

**Chapter 4**

**D-In-Laws Day**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

* * *

Keitaro sighed as he looked at the outfit he was now wearing; something that was supposed to be formal wear for one of PolPol royalty.

Frankly, except for the slight color differences, it reminded him of what he wore when he was pretending to be Prince Lamba Lu. The only differences in the appearance were the patches on his left arm, which had an embroidered image of each of his new wives, as well as a piece of their hair stitched in with it.

How they got the hair from each girl...he though best not to ask.

Turning from the mirror, he saw his...escort: twelve highly trained combat veterans who would not only ensure that his new in-laws didn't see to it that his wives became widowers, but to ensure that said wives did not get overly violent with him.

Apparently, being wed to violent females was a family tradition.

_That really explains Aunt Haruka._

Sighing, he tried to look like he had pride, confidence, and authority.

After his escorts began to laugh, he decided to quit trying.

"Okay, am I missing anything?" he asked. Considering the run from his wives yesterday had tired him out, he had too little time to go over PolPol law, and the last thing he needed was to accidentally declare war because he hopped on his left foot.

"Well, let's see," said Loo Cout. "You have the formal dress of a Prince; you have the full check for unusual explosive devices."

Keitaro really didn't want to know how Kaolla got a mecha-tama up **there** without him knowing.

Let alone what she had planned to do with it.

"We've also given you a suicide pill in case you're captured a NAGS member."

Keitaro really didn't see how a Flintstone's kid vitamin would kill him.

"That should be about it," said Loo Cout. "But you shouldn't be too afraid, my Prince. Faul Gai is making certain no weapons of any kind are brought it."

Keitaro shook his head. These people just didn't know his luck.

* * *

"What the hell do you mean I can't bring in my shotgun?" screamed Mr. Maehara.

The guard shook his head. "I'm sorry sir, but we don't allow in-laws to shoot our royalty. Now if he was a commoner, we might allow it, but we are under orders from Princess Maehara-Me to not let her husband be executed by... How did so put it, Loa Shin?"

"I believe she said that "if someone takes out Sempai before I get my time, I will skin them alive and torture them slowly over years until their soul tries to slip into the ether, and then raise them from the dead, so that I might continue to torture them forever" were he exact words."

Both Maehara parents blinked, before they let loose their responses.

"WAH! My daughter's been driven insane by the insatiable lusts of this pervert!"

Mrs. Maehara was a bit calmer, choosing to write down her daughter's suggestion for her next divorce hearing.

Her ex just wasn't giving her what she thought was the appropriate alimony.

* * *

Those two weren't the only ones having troubles.

The MolMol envoy was having trouble leaving their helicopter, as the PolPol security forces were going over it with a fine-tooth comb...literally.

"Is this really necessary?" asked Amalla.

The guard nodded. "Though this marriage has in fact ended the war between our countries, we still cannot relax. After all, NAGS would give their souls to take a shot to eliminate our Prince."

Despite her pet albino alligator's growl, the guards were not at all put off with examining Shiro as well.

One guard decided to approach King Su. "Excuse me, sir; but may I ask a question of you?"

The King nodded, wondering what foolishness he would have to put up with, before he could convince his daughter the error of her ways.

"Since the marriage of Princess Kaolla to our Prince, would that mean that they will rule both Kingdoms?"

The royals all stood quiet: the king, the two queens, and the Prince and Princess, as they contemplated that question.

Needless to say, they remained quiet while the inspection was finished.

* * *

"They did this all in one day?" asked Mrs. Konno, in pure amazement.

"We got some contractors from Tokyo: Nerima Ward and Minato Ward, to be specific," said their guide, Pii Soff.

Mr. Konno nodded, wondering how they had gotten approval so fast to build it, let alone set up an embassy.

"Very nice work," said Mrs. Konno.

* * *

As the other parents began to arrive, the Hinatasou girls began to prepare.

Kitsune was wearing a distinguished formal kimono that her new assistants had gotten for her. It did show some of her figure, but it was far from the revealing and tight clothes she often wore.

Yes, one would be hard pressed to ever consider her loose now by her appearance.

Whipping out a paper fan, she unfolded it and fluttered it in front of her face, as she had seen geisha do. For all appearances, she was a distinguished lady of high repute.

Of course, her inner thoughts were far from...prudish. She was going over her plan for the day.

First, she introduced Keitaro to her folks, as well as finding a way to slip it to both that both of them were completely pure...no sex or anything of the like. In fact, she might have kissed him once, but she was a little drunk at the time.

Second was to highly impress the other in-laws.

And when everyone left...she was dragging his ass to her bed, tying him down, and God help the poor soul who interrupted her nookie time.

_Hey, I waited a **long** time for this._

Smiling as gently as possible, she embraced the role of dutiful wife, and waved her fan in front of her face. "I am ready to meet my husband now."

* * *

Motoko looked on in the mirror at her own formal wear. As befitting, she had spent yesterday rehearsing the formal ceremony for her family's arrival, as well as prepared a battle plan.

Her family would state that as their heir, she was not allowed to marry.

She would point out that Tsuruko had been the original heir. So it was not set in stone.

She would then point out in rapid succession her monetary allowance, as well as the genetic fact that her new husband was likely to give her nothing but girls.

For a female run dojo...that was a good incentive on its own, since only girls could run it.

Basically, she was married with no outs, as she doubted very much that Shinobu or Kanako would want to divorce Keitaro. She could afford to support the school forever, as well as ensure their were plenty of heirs; something she could now tease Tsuruko about, since they had been married for a while, and she had yet to become an Aunt.

Of course, she would neglect to mention certain things...like what her unpublished novels were really about, or that she now had the man of her dreams.

Well, they would only learn what they could understand.

* * *

Kaolla was dressed, and making some last minute checks.

Her divisions of mecha-tama were on standby, in case the new in-laws failed to get together. She had several escape routes planned, as well as family-suppression systems based off a paste used by SWAT members to immobilize suspects.

Making a last check of her traditional MolMol formal wear—which was a halter top and a short skirt—she smiled as she left the room, wondering which wife would catch Keitaro today.

After all, he couldn't run forever.

Now, if she could figure out how they found the tracking device she had on him. It was much easier than using the Keitaro Radar.

* * *

Keitaro sighed as he slipped back into the hot springs. Today...well, it was one of those days he would trade for a Naru-punch to his manhood.

The Konno family had been very kind, and seemed surprised at how Mistune was acting. Even he was confused, as the woman seemed a mirror opposite of herself. She only drank water or juice, was quiet—but more importantly—kept her hands to herself.

The Aoyama family was very weird. Tsuruko had teased him slightly, but that stopped when Motoko asked when she could expect to be an Aunt. They then went to Motoko's room, only to come back an hour later, where Motoko's mother informed him that if necessary, Motoko had some single cousins who would love to meet a man like him.

He decided to keep quiet about that, or Motoko would "divorce" him without a vote; as well as how her family was the true perverts.

Next came the Otohime clan. At first, Keitaro had been glad to see the kids, they were all so nice. Then they brought out the baby clothes.

When he woke back up, he was once more assaulted by questions of when they would have their own children, as well as what Mutsumi needed with watermelon-flavored body lotion and a bikini made of watermelon-flavored Fruit Roll-ups.

When he woke back up and changed clothes from the blood loss from his nose, he then met the Maehara family.

After security removed Shinobu's father's hands from his neck, he tried to assure the man that he was not chasing after Shinobu's purity.

If they had only known that Shinobu was chasing after his...

Then came the Narusegawa family. Naru's sister Mei was standing like a zombie, while her family was crying. Naru tried to keep them from breaking down, but for some reason, she kept grabbing her head like she had a huge headache. Strangely, she was not once violent to Keitaro, making him wonder if maybe Naru was actually **happy** to be in this marriage.

Then came his own parents.

The less said about that...the better.

Finally, came Su's family. Lamba chatted with him as friends, Amalla flirted with him still, and the Queens looked at him with a mixture of confusion, rage, and giddiness about their daughter being married to royalty.

Apparently, he was a much better choice than some of her suitors back home.

Why a fifty-year-old duke was even being considered for Kaolla, he thought best not to ask.

The came King Su, who challenged him to a game of checkers for his daughter's hand in marriage.

This of course, was ended with his wives beating him into the ground.

Though why they yelled at the man about panties was beyond Keitaro.

Sighing, he sank deeper into the waters, willing his troubles away.

Sadly, his troubles would not leave. At once, a soaked and quite nude Kaolla jumped out of the water and glomped onto him, as Kitsune came out of the dressing room with only a smile on and a bottle of sake in her hands, as Shinobu slid from behind a rock to strike once again.

_Why me?_

Sadly, you had to wonder how many people would kill to have that sort of luck with women.

* * *

In Nerima, a pigtailed martial artist sneezed, causing him to get malleted for obviously thinking something perverted.

* * *

In a plane on its way to Japan, a woman was conversing with a young teenager.

"Now," said Hoo Ker said, "do you agree to help us?"

The teenager, a woman known as Nyamo Namo, tilted her head. This woman was speaking to her in Japanese, after her friends grabbed her after attending to her grandfather's grave. All she could understand of the conversation was Keitaro, husband, marriage, and wife.

So, being a happy-go-lucky girl still in love with the ronin from when he had helped her find her grandfather, she assumed that she was being taken to Keitaro to become his wife.

As such, the Shinobu-like twin smiled and nodded happily.

Hoo Ker smiled. Yes, they now had an operative to place inside Prince Me's harem. Soon, their operative would help them lure the male into a nice safe cage where he could be studied, and then the women of PolPol would have the power the ruthless males have coveted for themselves.

She, of course, was forgetting that women ran **everything else** in the island nation, and that the Congress had as much authority as the King, since it was a constitutional monarchy.

Nyamo just ignored the woman who was laughing crazily. After all, the woman hadn't listened to her when Nyamo had told her that she didn't speak Japanese too well, let alone understanding it.

So, the blue haired tanned girl sighed as she leaned on Big Tama, enjoying the naughty thoughts she had planned when she married the handsome foreigner who had won her heart.

And here she thought she'd never have the chance to eat that fruit off his rippling chest.

On second thought, she decided she needed to stop reading those romance novels. They really were beginning to rot her mind.

Still, the fruit idea was still good.

* * *

Keitaro shivered, narrowly missing Kanako's newest attack. He didn't know what it was, but he knew it meant trouble. His bones themselves told him a bad omen was before him.

As such, he missed Kitsune's surprise assault, as she grabbed him...well, his towel actually, ripping it off.

The girls now stared.

Keitaro shrieked.

Naru and Motoko had their battle auras spring forth, as they felt a need to punish Keitaro, even though they were now where near him currently.

That said punishment involved whipped cream and their own beds was beside the point.

He opened another door, desperate to get away from his wives...

...and opened it to another one: Sara.

Now, Sara had been willing to concede that perhaps her husband wasn't ready to jump her bones. Keitaro had never been that type of guy, and she'd be willing to wait.

That was; of course, before the door before her opened revealing her flushed and quite nude husband.

Logic, meet imaginary fear.

"PERVERT!" cried Sara, as she produced her infamous sun disk and smashed him over the head, feeling justified as he was obviously out to violate her purity.

The other girls sighed at the realization that their would be no nookie that night, before sending harsh glares to the youngest wife.

"What?" said Sara.

Of course, that was when the newly installed intercom spoke up.

"**Excuse me, but would Prince Me and Princess Sara MacDougal-Me please come to the entry hall, the princess's father has arrived."**

Sara could only think of one thing, considering her father had just arrived and her husband was now out cold for the remainder of the night. "Shit."

* * *

Omake by Typhonis:

"Keitero, why didn't you invite me?"

Nodoka Saotome asked her nephew, "Also where is your cousin Tenchi at? I know he would like to see Ranma and you again also I hear little Yui may be getting married soon to that Gendo-person. That's another cousin for you, Keitero."

Thus did he learn of the curse placed on males born into his family...


	5. Mission Failure

**Love Hina**

**Chapter 5**

**Mission Failure**

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

* * *

"So you understand your mission?" asked Hoo Ker, looking at the agent N.A.G.S. had chosen to try and capture the Crown Prince of PolPol. They were thinking about capturing the boy's father, but it wasn't necessary.

PolPol Royal Rule: If you get married and are PolPol royalty, that marriage must be done in an official PolPol ceremonial way. If you aren't married in a PolPol ceremony (apples are needed, no substitution), then you forfeit your chance at the throne.

As such, that meant he wasn't in line for the throne, and the Japanese government had been very upset with people being abducted from their nation.

Nyamo Namo just looked at the strange woman. After the entire flight, the older woman had yet to realize that the young beauty had absolutely no clue what she was saying. And while Nyamo was a little upset that the woman had yet to realize that, she understood enough PolPol to know that this woman was going to take her to Keitaro, she was supposed to marry him, but everything beside that was all lost in translation.

At least she had been able to grab a nice apple from the airport before they left. PolPol marriage laws were very exact.

As she nodded, the older woman left as the plane began to descend into the predawn skyline of Tokyo.

* * *

Keitaro was tired, exhausted, and ... still a virgin. After yet another night of protecting 'Little Keitaro' from the forces of marriage, he was trying to sneak out of the compound. His best thought at the moment was getting out, renting a small motel room for a few hours, and gather enough sleep to hopefully preserve his virginity for yet another night.

Why was he trying to preserve it, you may ask. After all, isn't such a situation that many males would enjoy?

One problem: Keitaro had been to MolMol. After dealing with the craziness of Kaolla Su, her sister, her brother/cousin/however-he-was-related-to-them, he could only guess that actually consummating any of his new relationships could only end in pain.

His pain...

Lots of it...

(Naru-Punch multiplied by Rock-Cutting-Sword) to the infinite power...

Shivering a bit, he paused, hiding himself as a small group of miniature Shitzus ran by, pushing a ... human skull?

"I really need to get out of here," he muttered, as he made his way to the stairs that would lead to his Aunt's teahouse and his freedom. "Man, I wonder where the guard is?" he pondered, as he noticed that the guard station was both empty, and the gates were open. "Maybe he needed a smoke break?"

* * *

"Everything set?" asked Hoo Ker, as she glued the trashcan lit shut. Inside was one unconscious guard, who when the mission was over, would be placed gently into a cage, and shipped Coach back to PolPol to be studied with painful tools that sometimes sent jolts of electricity through the body.

Sue Lut nodded, as Nyamo made her way towards the gates. "Yes; a nice cage is waiting in the van across from us, surveillance on this side of the compound has been dealt with, and while I don't know why you felt the need to do so, the guard I knocked out is sealed inside that trash can."

"Can't be too careful," said Hoo.

"And those two we have in the van already?" asked Sue.

* * *

"See man," said Shirai, crouched inside a cage beside his friend, "just telling those babes that we knew Keitaro is so going to help us get in good with them."

"Dude," said Haitani, "they put us in cages."

"So, I might like that sort of stuff."

"They said we're being shipped to some place called PolPol."

"I always wanted to travel."

"You dumbass, we've been kidnapped."

"Haitani; hot girls do not kidnap people."

"... You're an idiot."

* * *

"We needed some test subjects for the new equipment we had shipped in from America," said Hoo. "Besides, they know the Crown Prince, and can you honestly say they will be missed if they ... react badly to the equipment."

"If they do, I'm not hosing out the room," quickly said Sue. "Look," she said, pointing towards the entrance, "the Prince is out already. She might not have to go in there and drag him out now."

"N.A.G.S. will be victorious this day," said Hoo Ker, a slight tear in her eye. "I always hoped our noble crusade would be won within my lifetime."

Sue Lut nodded sagely, as she watched, waiting for the prince ... to be tackled by the island girl on the wrong side of the wall? "What the hell?"

"How could she have done that?" said Hoo Ker, nearly yelling. "I told her to get him out here! Why did she race inside like that and tackle him?"

"She's leading him back inside," growled Sue. "Where the hell is that translator?" she grumbled. "I want to chew them out for not making sure she understood her role."

"Translator?" asked Hoo.

"Yes," said Sue, looking around for a missing agent ... one she didn't know wasn't there to begin with. "That girl doesn't understand PolPol or Japanese, so I told you we needed a translator for her."

"... Oh."

Sue slowly turned around. "You did get a translator ... right?"

"..."

"In other words, you never got one, and sent our best chance to capture the Crowned Prince in there with no clue that she was to help N.A.G.S.?"

"..."

"Oh, you are so dead."

* * *

"What are you doing, Su?" asked Shinobu as she entered the dining room, preparing to make some delicious food to lure out her husband for some ... couples time.

"Sending a letter to my pen pal," said the tanned beauty, as she stuffed a letter inside a mecha-tama, and raced outside with it. A few seconds later, a small explosion was heard as the delivery mecha took off at incredible speeds. "He'll probably get by tomorrow."

"You have a pen pal?" asked Shinobu.

Kaolla nodded happily. "And he's really exciting, almost as much as Keitaro. But I had to tell him we can't date anymore."

"You were dating a pen pal?"

"Who is dating what?" asked Kitsune, as she entered into the dining area, yawning. The only reason she was up that early was because the previous day had worn her out, and the resulting nightly Keitaro-hunt had drained the rest of her energy before ten.

"Kaolla was dating her pen pal," said Shinobu, uncertain if that counted as cheating on Keitaro.

"Way to go, sugar," said Kitsune, messing Kaolla's hair. "Didn't know you had it in you, dating another guy when you're engaged to another."

"Nah, he was just my backup," said Kaolla. "But now that I got Keitaro, I don't need to keep him. Hope we can be friends, though. He really likes the mecha-tama I sent him the last time."

The other two slowly paled, thinking of what Kaolla might send to a 'special someone' considering what she tested out on Keitaro.

"Anyway," said Kitsune, waving off any further concern for the poor soul Kaolla had 'dumped' for Keitaro—as well as consideration if the boy even knew he had been 'dating' her in the first place, "has anyone seen our dear husband? I figured we could head out today and spend some of our stipends."

The other girls shook their heads.

"Oh, maybe he left to get us presents," said Kaolla. "I hope he gets me bananas."

"Maybe we should ask Gai-san or Cout-san," said Shinobu. "They are supposed to be helping Sempai prepare to be King."

* * *

Keitaro had been surprised to run into Nyamo near the front entrance—more afraid that it was Shinobu with certain toppings she wanted to 'play with'. As such, when she had tackled him in her excitement, he had nearly passed out in fear. But then we she asked if he was okay in English, Keitaro soon realized the mistake, and quickly sat up, helping his former assistant back up.

When she said she wanted to chat, he took her to a bench near the new wall to speak, the idea being that she would want some privacy.

It had been needed, as she told him of finding her grandfather's grave.

After consoling her a bit, she asked about what he had been doing since their last meeting.

Happy to have a person to speak to—whom he thought had no romantic interests in him and was not currently married to him—he spilled his guts, unloading the pressures of going to Tokyo University, his recent discovery of his family history, and finally the mass wedding he had no choice in. Keitaro felt she was a bit too innocent to regale with the stories of his battles to preserve himself.

"And that takes us to today. I was planning to head out for a bit if you... Why do I taste apples?" he asked. As he looked down at what little remained of the snack Nyamo had been passing to him as he told his story, he answer made his face pale. "Apples," he said in a haunted whisper, as he slowly turned to his companion.

Nyamo was smirking and nodding her head happily, as she tackled him, being too quick for Keitaro to dodge out of the way, planting her lips onto his, and sealing their marriage.

As the fell off the bench, only one thought was going through the former-ronin's head: why was he suddenly irresistible?

* * *

"Hello?" came a meek voice from inside a lonely garbage can. "Is anyone out there?"

* * *

"I wonder where they're taking us?" asked Shirai. "Maybe we're going to one of those love hotels that cater to things like this."

"We are being kidnapped, you idiot. They are not taking us for sex!"

"Be quiet back there before I shock you!" yelled Sue Lut, brandishing a cattle-prod.

"Yes, Mistress," said Shirai.

"Dude, you're just weird," muttered his friend, wondering if he could escape somehow, as the van made its way to the warehouse district.

* * *

"This Keitaro-detector is a marvelous invention," said Tai, as he followed Kaolla, with the other two girls close behind.

"Yeppers," smirked Su. "My pervert can't escape me! MWA HAHAHAHAHA!"

"I'm always worried when she laughs like that," said Kitsune.

"He's over here!" yelled Kaolla, as she jumped towards some bushes in front of a bench. "Where are you, hubby?" she asked in a sing-song voice that somehow worried Kitsune even more than her previous laugh.

"Damn," she muttered, as she looked over. "I wanted to get him first!"

The others blinked, before looking over Kaolla's shoulders. They spied a nude ronin on his back, blood leaking from his nose, and a tanned version of Shinobu laying on top of him, a content smile on her face.

And both were nude as the day they had been born.

"Damn," muttered Kitsune. "I hate it when you lose to someone you never knew you were competing against." She just shrugged. At least he finally had some experience under his belt. It could only help her when it was her chance.

Shinobu looked at Nyamo, recognizing her twin, and slowly growled. "THAT WAS MINE!" she yelled, as she leapt at the girl, hands ready to choke the life from her.

* * *

Outside of Hogwarts, Harry Potter read a letter from his pen pal, part of a program that had been started in his old grade school many years ago, as part of some cultural exchange program.

"I don't get it," said Ron, reading the letter over Harry's shoulder. "You already had a girlfriend?"

"We aren't dating," sighed Harry. "She just keeps saying we are, been saying that since. I tried to break up with her, but she doesn't stop; keeps sending me these weird turtles lately."

Luna was looking over the one that had just delivered the letter Harry was reading. "It looks like a Pacific Hot Springs turtle; excellent flyers," she added.

"Right," sighed Hermoine, not believing Luna for a second, "flying turtles."

"They say some can grow to weigh three tons and carry two people before they have to land."

Hermoine just sighed. Who would believe stuff like that?

Ginny was busy pretending to be reading. Harry had a girlfriend? And why did she have the sudden urge to call Harry 'Sempai'?

"Well look here," came an all too familiar snide voice. "Potter and the rest of the fools."

"What do you want, Malfoy?" growled Harry, not noticing as the mechanical turtle in Luna's hands turned to face the pale blond as well, red eyes blinking as it performed a remote access to certain other ... gifts ... Kaolla had sent.

"I heard you were dating a princess," said Malfoy with a sneer. "Trying to make yourself feel better? Don't worry; I'm sure the Mudblood will give you a pity date if you ask nicely, so you don't have to keep pretending you have a girlfriend."

"Actually, the princess dumped him for a recently named Crowned Prince of their enemy," said Luna. "My father just wrote the article on it."

Thus with those words, everyone else believed it was a lie, and Harry was indeed making it up.

"**Target located,"** came a robotic voice, causing Malfoy to pale. Slowly turning, he, as well as his two lackeys, and Harry's group, spotted three robotic ... turtles, floating a dozen feet off the ground, red eyes glaring at Malfoy.

"What the bloody hell are those?" cried Ron.

"Robot turtles she builds," said Harry quietly. "And somehow, they work in Hogwarts."

"**Initiate Program: One,"** the robots said in unison, as their chest plates opened, revealing missiles.

"I'd run if I were you," said Harry, as he gathered his books. The robots tended to not understand little things like proximity to what they were protecting, thus ending up blasting their Master as often as they did the attacker.

Still was fun to see them chase Snape about.

"Harry?" asked Ginny, seeing him pack up quickly. "You have weird tastes in women."

"WE WERE NOT DATING!" yelled the Boy-Who-Lived, as his friends quickly followed suit, just as the first missile was launched at the now paler Slytherin.


End file.
